Keep Your Horror Stories to Yourself

Why do people have a tendency to say stupid things when talking to pregnant women? My wife is currently pregnant, quite pregnant in fact, and due to good health, good genes and the grace of God, she has been blessed with a healthy fetus and a relatively uncomplicated pregnancy.

But whenever she tells another person that, despite the minor pains and nausea, she feels pretty good, the inevitable reply is, “That’ll change.”

What a horribly unhelpful thing to say.

Do they honestly think that she is unaware of what lies ahead? Do they think that they are the first person to notify her of the impending ordeal? Do they expect her to reply, “Wait a second, you mean this won’t feel good the whole time? Please enlighten me to the contrary.”

If your friend told you that she was diagnosed with cancer but was feeling pretty good for the time being, I wager you wouldn’t respond, “That’ll change.” You and she both know there is a rough road ahead, but you don’t feel compelled to tell her.

And yet people have this inexorable desire to make sure that pregnant women know exactly what stages of hell they will be going through and which devils will be along for the ride, just in case their doctor didn’t notify them. When my wife said that all tests so far showed that the fetus was in good health, one woman felt impelled to tell my wife about a friend’s relative’s cousin’s dog groomer’s niece who had been told the same thing by her doctor only to have the baby born with autism, heart arrhythmia and three legs.

Thanks for the warning.

That would make for a great story at any party, to be sure, but why is that your response to the wonderful news that someone is likely to have a healthy baby? Let me return to my analogy: If your friend with cancer told you that the doctors gave her a 95 percent chance of recovery, would you respond with a story about someone who was told the same thing only to die three weeks later?

I think not.

So my plea to everyone, but most importantly to women who have gone through pregnancy, is this: When a pregnant woman is feeling good, compliment her. When a pregnant woman is feeling like someone is tearing out her insides with a pair of pliers, compliment her. Please save your depressing but informative horror stories for those late night episodes of Grey’s Anatomy when you can say, with confidence, “That same thing happened to my uncle’s colleague’s granddaughter’s teacher’s masseuse.”